CRATER TAKES A POWDER
Inspired by Monty Python. Lunatic characters in crazy situations, with a not-so-subtle anti-Wokism. Maggie is the ultimate Social Justice Warrior.
JUDGE CRATER TAKES A POWDER by Glenn Lazar Roberts. Adventures of Maggie, the Radiated Lesbian Nun, Book One.
In August 1930, Judge Joseph Crater of the New York Supreme Court said goodbye to his friends one late evening and proceeded to walk to the Belasco Theater a few streets away. He never arrived. The disappearance of Judge Crater was one of the greatest mysteries of Depression-era U.S. In Roberts’ Judge Crater Takes A Powder we learn what really happened to Judge Crater—and to Amelia Earhart—in this hilarious sci-fi novel that involves J. Edgar Hoover, German spies, Japanese submarines, cowardly mafia, space-folding transvestites, recipe-obsessed nuns, and Orson Welles, as Hoover recruits Joseph Crater to help him uncover a galactic conspiracy of gloriously incompetent aliens who have assumed human form. From 1930s New York City to alien planets, Judge Crater is a devastating satire of modern political correctness. Will snowflakes, marshmallows, and the easily offended find safe spaces inside? Heyll NO! Warning to micro-sensitive SJWs: read at your own risk!
REVIEWS:
“Nuts!” —SiriusReviews.com
“Roberts interweaves historical fact with castles in the air, dubiousness and irony to create a fast paced narrative filled with the almost plausible as well as out-and-out incredible in this sardonic romp. . . For those who like a bit of sarcasm swathed in quirkiness and screwball circumstance; Judge Crater Takes a Powder should prove to be a worthwhile read. Happy to recommend [it] for those not easily dismayed, repulsed or dazed.” —Authorsden.com
“He is a judge and he is called up to the FBI to solve a mystery. Many characters will join him along the way. What is the mystery? Can they solve it? See how and if they can do it.” —Tanyawriter, 5 stars
“A fun story covering all kind of conspiracy theories and it makes you laugh and just enjoy.” —BigT, 5 stars
FROM THE AUTHOR: In reply to some reviewers, yes there is a plot to the three Radiated Lesbian Nun novels! Read carefully and you will see it–or at least a marginally careful reader should. If you didn’t see a coherent plot, then you weren’t paying attention. My books are carefully researched and planned and not really intended for light casual reading, even my satires. Like much about Political Correctness, female reviewers tend not to like my books in general, while male reviewers tend to like them, though of course there are many exceptions. Who knows why? Here’s a few tidbits:
The Radiated Lesbian Nun was real. The character was patterned after an actual Catholic nun, whom I knew personally, who was radiated in a mysterious accident that removed her eyebrows and eyelashes, and, I suspect, though of course cannot prove, was also lesbian. She is now long deceased. To respect her memory, she shall remain unnamed. She was not an alien tho at times she did seem like one.
There is no such thing as “Opus Dea”. I made that up as a plausible nun version of Opus Deus.
The first book, Judge Crater Takes a Powder, took place in the 1930s; the second book, Cross-Dressers From Pluto, in the 1940s-1950s; the third book, The Warriors, is present day. It did not all take place “in the 1950s.” Each book was carefully researched for period authenticity.
Yours truly did the cover artwork. The idea of the alien ribbets came from the green frog common to some political websites.
Yes, there is an underlying message to all three books, it’s not just fun and games. Maybe it’s necessary to read all three to get this. Hint: look at the titles of the books that characters cite in the stories. It’s a satire of Political Correctness!
So here’s what the poorer reviewers seem to have missed in this book, assuming they weren’t just panning the book for political reasons, which is possible:
JUDGE CRATER TAKES A POWDER:
“Taking a powder” meant “to take a break, pause for a moment.” I guess most people today no longer know that expression. It’s ironic for Crater since he never returns.
Judge Joseph Force Crater was real and so was his disappearance. The details of his disappearance are all accurate up to his entering the auto. By a strange coincidence, his attendant was also named Joseph.
Yes, J. Edgar Hoover wore women’s clothes. He was not portrayed that way in this book merely as a joke. The purple dress he wears was his favorite. He called his lover and assistant in the FBI, Clyde. All accurately portrayed.
Visiting an alien planet 7 light years away means 7 years have elapsed on Earth when one returns, not overnight as in Star Trek.
The bridge in NYC that Huntz and Heinz crossed in 1937 was genuine and built in that year.
Huntz was modeled after Siegfried of the Get Smart TV series. “Ve don’t shush here!” Other jokes came from that series.
Heinz was modeled after a real person I knew, who shall remain unnamed. Believe it or not, I did not have to invent much about him.
The place where the U-boat picks up Huntz & Heinz was the place where a German U-boat landed a crew of Nazi saboteurs during WW2, ‘Amagansett’. The allusion to ‘nice guys in vite suits’ refers to the fact that a sailor in a white suit alerted authorities that the Nazi saboteurs had landed at Amagansett. I guess nobody knows much about WW2 anymore.
All bases in Panama were historically accurately portrayed.
Hitler’s party made dramatic gains in the German elections of 1930. This was portrayed accurately in the book.
All members of the Masonic lodge were actual people and faithfully if comically portrayed, as were the Masonic rites therein.
All citations from the Bible duel of the Jello brothers with the Jehovah’s Witnesses are accurate.
When the kid Gary interrogates Crater and Earhart, he is parodying Monty Python’s sketch where the Sicilians threaten the Colonel’s military base. “It would be a shame if something were to happen to your tanks.” Please don’t tell me you don’t know who Monty Python was.
The daily recitations of the Catholic nuns are authentic.
The names of the criminal gangs in 1930 New York area are accurate, except I added the ‘Chartreuse Gang’ to lampoon the ‘Purple Gang’.
Purple mannequins, for some bizarre reason, were popular during the 1930s.
The headlines of the 1937 newspapers are genuine headlines from the named date.
The joke about ‘sving moosic’ refers to an actual popular tune at the time: “It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing.” I thought this was as obvious as a slap in the face, but, amazingly, no reviewer got it. It’s no excuse to say “that was before my time.” The 1930s was long before my time also.
The 1930s automobiles are accurately named and portrayed.
The reference to “valking back to Deutschland” from a submarine came from when I was in Russia and a border policeman threatened to make me “walk back to Moscow” from a train at the Hungarian border. Luckily, I didn’t have to.
The Spanish epithets are authentic.
Roosevelt’s Aunts Lucy, Eleanor, and Daisy were real.
Orangello and Lemongello are actual names of actual people. Believe it or not, I did not make them up!
There is no such thing as a 333rd degree in Masonry. I made that up. Masonic degrees only go to 33 degrees. And the vast majority of Masons only get to the 3rd degree, an exam considered so difficult by many that it gave rise to the phrase “Give him the third degree,” meaning examine him thoroughly.
The First Commandment of the ribbets, “Klaatu barada nikto,” comes from the movie The Day the Earth Stood Still. How could anyone not know that?
‘Nikto’ means ‘no one’ in Russian.
The place where Zira landed when she returned to Earth was Grover’s Mill off Rabbit Hill Road in New Jersey. This is where Orson Welles and his Mercury Theater reported that aliens had landed in their great War of the Worlds broadcast of 1938 which sent the country reeling.
Joseph P. Kennedy, Jr., did in fact blow up in 1944 while testing a remote-controlled bomber over the North Sea with one co-pilot. He was the oldest son in Joe Kennedy’s clan, elder to later President John F. Kennedy. They successfully signaled ‘spade flush’ before exploding.
Kenneth Arnold did claim to see UFOs fluttering near Mount Rainer in July 1947. He then flew toward Seattle to report it.
A rancher named Mack in a truck did claim that a UFO crashed on his land not far from Roswell, New Mexico, later that same July, 1947. General Ramey was real and was put in charge of the coverup after Lieutenant Colonel Jesse Marcel announced that an alien craft had indeed crashed. Three bodies of aliens were allegedly recovered. Has everyone already forgotten this too?
I hope this helps.
See the pages for Cross-Dressers From Pluto, and The Warriors for more tidbits.
